if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
