If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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