If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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