i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Boobs are out for the taking
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize