Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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