I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
