Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
