i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
