Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize