this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
