i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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