I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
