im having a threesome with these popsicles
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
