farters have to be the big spoon...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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