ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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