you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
