That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
