I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
