Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
