yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
