Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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