Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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