Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
