Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I wear drunk well.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
