You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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