I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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