Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
