planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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