Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
