i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
