We need to rekindle our bromance
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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