At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
