if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
