In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
