she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
