When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
