Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
