so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
