I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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