My first STD was from a foam party
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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