I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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