i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Liz is crying about burritos again.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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