Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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