life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
