I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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