Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
