we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
