I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
