I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
