even my farts smell like vagina
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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