if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize