Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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