Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
