My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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