The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
