Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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