sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
