I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
