There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I didn't notice because vodka
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize