ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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