So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
