dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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