he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
