shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
