my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
