You can't special order awesome
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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