I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
