So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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