would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
