She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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