Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize