So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
