you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
