I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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