so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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