I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
