You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
