hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
