Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's official drugs can't kill me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
