shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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