Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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