so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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