Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
