dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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