Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize