Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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