well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
