dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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