So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
