She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
