By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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