i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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