Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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