If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
