I want to make a zoo with you.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And then my night got REAL pukey
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize