I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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