Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
