god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
