whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
