I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
