Can i not drive my cunt home
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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