Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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