I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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