My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
