High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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