i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
