She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
