PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
