I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
