I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
