I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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